This is the way

So I’ve had people tell me things like oh you shouldn’t report that jackass because then people won’t want to work with you. Like the response to someone treating me poorly was to tell me to shut up about it and also to make me feel bad for mentioning it at all.

I’m not going to bother to unpack all the things that are wrong with that. I just want to talk about what it looks like when someone is doing it right.

Oh you were taken advantage of and made to feel like you had to do everything and then you got burned out? Ok so we are going to listen to you. Take this slowly. Make sure you’re on board. Support you as you attempt to reengage and check in frequently to see if you’re doing ok with the process.

We are going to honor your experience and respect your perspective without getting defensive or rushing things. Even in the face of true necessity we will ensure your consent and continue to keep you in a place of choice rather than obligation.

We will not place an undue burden on you but will work to balance the load so we can all contribute and feel useful and function together as a team. At no time will we act like it wasn’t ok to point out the problem, or blame you for how you felt. We will not pull away or distance ourselves from you but instead come closer to better understand the situation.

Most of all we won’t make comments that say now that we know you have a limit and a boundary you’re useless to us. We will instead honor your limits and respect your boundaries and work with you to create opportunities to contribute that are meaningful and have a positive impact.

We won’t imply that you have less value now that you can’t be manipulated. We won’t gaslight you with unreachable goals or rewards that never materialize. We will instead reinforce your honesty and bravery with real change. We will work to include informed consent and clear communications and embed these principles into our process so it is a matter of course and accepted best practice.

Most of all we will champion your growth and acknowledge your achievements by recognizing your individual contribution as well as the synergistic qualities you bring to the group, highlighting the improvements created by your presence. We will take the time to be grateful and celebrate the small wins with specific details that say we are actually paying attention and you matter here.

This is how you run things. This is how you create loyalty and longevity and keep a group stable. Human beings will have a dynamic in relationship. Make sure it’s a healthy one that includes a robust feedback loop and the courage to enact true change when circumstance demands it.

Mutual respect demands honesty and honoring the value of having someone around who isn’t afraid to speak truth to power. Surround yourself with truth tellers and people who give it to you straight because having useful information is more important than your ego. In order to evolve as a person or an organization open channels of communication and information you can trust and rely on is crucial and you can’t buy that. You can’t pay someone to care.

If you are lucky enough to have someone show up and try to help you reach your goals and that person cares a whole lot about doing it treat them like they are made out of gold. Or high quality weed or semi conductor chips or whatever it is you value. That kind of person is priceless. And if they are anything like me it will take a lot to turn them from a motivated contributor to someone who has given up. You will have to work at it. And it will take more than one incident. You will know you’re doing it.

Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t let your ego rob you of this value. Swallow your pride. Ask good questions. And fix it. This person holds the key to your success. Utilize their wisdom. Don’t squander this opportunity because it’s rare. People who care are important. Rally around that and you can’t go wrong.