Squashing Personal Expression

I really cannot stand to be shushed. Like it makes me so dang mad. My ex-husband used to shush me if I even got the least bit excited. He could not take my enthusiasm on any level. Makes me furious. Particularly when someone asks a question and then shushes my answer.

https://youtu.be/JlY3iRWK8H8

That’s a link to Edith on All in the Family when she finally loses it and tells Archie to stifle. Honestly he had it coming. After a lifetime of having him dismiss her thoughts she finally did it back. Surprise! The doormat has legs.

I recently spent a bunch of time with a couple of people who feel free to make me feel less free. Telling me not to tell my stories. Asking me to tell only uplifting stories. Saying I owed them a dollar for every time I said something negative.

This is abusive. It’s abusive behavior and I won’t have it. Do I do that to you? No I do not. I get that there is a time and a place or you might not be ready to hear it but it makes me feel unsafe when I am with you.

Yesterday I was in a church and I came upon a display for a saint that would understand. Her face was covered with metal. Irons around her neck. Enslaved and tortured. Horrific imagery. I almost fell over when I saw it. Horrifying. Traumatizing. True.

This is who we are. We do this to each other. And it is wrong.

Hold space for what comes up. Or leave. Do not stay and attempt to influence the free will and expression of another. If it’s not for you then walk away.

I look at it this way. You know the magic eight ball game? A multi sided die with different things on each face suspended in a liquid. You shake it and it rolls around and eventually one of the faces appears in the window. Usually only one face is visible at a time, although on occasion it will fall on an edge rather than a flat area.

Point being people are like that dice and the window is other people. We find the one or two faces we think others will find acceptable and we shove them up against the window. Life tumbles our eight ball and other faces show up briefly but we quickly hide those and show only what we want them to see. In the hopes that they won’t see the rest.

I am the rest. I want to see all the faces. I don’t place a value judgement on what is a good face and what is a bad face. I accept all of the faces. All of them are me and they all have their reasons to exist. All of them deserve to see the light of day. All. Of. Them.

If you want to live that way, fine. I will pretend not to notice when your grip slips and your true selves start to show. But don’t you dare put that shit on me. I won’t have it. It’s just plain wrong to do that to someone else. It’s rude. It’s cruel. I don’t respect it.

I’m not going to put the image here. If you want to see it you can google it. Escrava Anastácia. Iron muzzle. Scold’s bridle. It’s there for you to see. I can’t unsee it. I will never be the same.

Please. If you care for me at all. Don’t do this. Don’t reject my communications. They are me. I am in them and if you listen you will learn things that matter. Maybe it’s not all pretty. But it is true. It is real and I lived it and I get to talk about it.

That’s how I process things. That’s how I heal. If you’re not on board then hop off the choo choo because it’s not for you.

If you wanted better stories then speak to life. It brought me what I have. Not what you have. Not what he has. Not what she has. It brought me what I have and I get to talk about it.

If you don’t like bears then get out of the forest. Don’t shoot the messenger.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Have a lovely day. And remember to be all of what you are. Not just some of it. Therein lies the straw we spin into gold. Alchemical transformations begin with base materials and are elevated from dross to noble metals and jewels that sparkle. Find the light in everything. If you can’t see it you’re not looking at it the right way. It’s there. Look again.