Men are broken

Last night on her way home from class a man shouted “shove it up your stinky pussy” at my daughter on the street in the dark when she was walking home alone from the bus stop. I was on the phone with her, terrified, trying to act cool and nonchalant, which I am bad at for more than ten seconds. This walk home seemed to last forever.

I’ve been mugged before and he followed us from the movies to my front door. So I was afraid for her. Afraid he would follow her home. She is fine. I stayed on the phone with her until she was inside. Longest ten minutes of my life.

What the actual hell is wrong with people? Like why would you say that to anyone and what does it even mean. How does someone grow up to think the thing to do is shout obscenities as someone tries to traverse a public space. He knows what it is to be afraid. He’s out on the streets alone too.

I just don’t understand why we can’t take care of each other better. How did we get here? Each one of us has a responsibility to the other as fellow humans. To take care, to live together in harmony goddammit. Makes me so mad.

My little girl. On the mean streets. Ugh. I am not a fan. I want to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her forever. There is not enough pepper spray in the world for this mom of an almost 25 year old to feel good about the situation. She’s only an hour away. I will just drive her to class and then pick her up after!

Yeah she would not let me do that. And honestly it’s not realistic. But I would. For sure. Hopefully she will find rides and not have to take the bus. I keep telling her to just call a car. But she wants to do this her way and I have to let her. It is not easy.

So help me to understand what he is doing. The broken man child screaming obscenities at my kid. What is the point of that? What exactly is he hoping to accomplish? Can anyone explain to me how a person does that, and why? I really do not understand.

I suppose it doesn’t matter. It falls into that gray area between what is moral and what is legal. It’s clearly wrong. And yet it’s not actually a crime. The only thing I can think is it’s rooted in the bullshit purity and modesty culture norms that say if you’re on the street alone at night you’re not a nice girl and so you’re fair game.

I’d just like to unpack how deeply fucked up that is, and how much it smacks of what was she wearing. Someone should be able to take a night class and walk home from the bus stop. These aren’t the mean streets. It’s a cute little SF neighborhood. Why is it so fraught?

Because there is a portion of our society who would like to treat women badly. They are constantly on the lookout for someone who they can abuse. But it can’t be just any woman. It has to be one that is already sullied according to their standards.

Not a virgin, too old, wrong race, wrong place wrong time. There are a lot of ways to join that club. A woman they can look down on and abuse. That’s what they try to find, all day every day. To take out their vitriol and their shame for being lesser than the other men. Maybe some women lord it over them and they want revenge. It’s just sad. And confused. And sad.

All women, all people, are due the same respect. For being human. There is no second class. No group that is ok to abuse. There is no one you can do that to and get away with it. No one. Definitely not my daughter.

How dare you sir, how dare you. How dare you speak to my wild and perfect beautiful daughter in such a fashion. She is her own person and unbroken and she will range free. Free to move through this world as if it were her birthright. Safe from predators like you.