It’s me, not you
That day when you realize it was you all along, and you climb in the driver’s seat and make moves.
9/11/20252 min read
There is this thing that happens where instead of admitting I don’t like someone or something I will think to myself “they don’t like me” because that’s easier to admit. It’s not like it feels good to think people don’t like you. Unless those people are horrible. In which case it is awesome.
Like it is an accomplishment. If I managed to unfawn and actually allow someone to not like me I’m winning for two reasons.
One, I didn’t bother to ingratiate myself to someone I don’t respect. I broke that mold, and let it be. I didn’t try to fix it or change it or panic because I needed them to like me so bad I’d literally become someone else to make it happen. I just endured being disliked. And that felt powerful.
Reason two. If horrible people don’t like me I am doing something right. Pissing off all the right people since 1966. Just being me pisses some people straight off. And they are not nice people. So I figure that’s perfect. Hate away and have fun with it. I am proud to know people I don’t respect and can’t admire think I’m not great.
Not like I’m trying to piss them off. No I can do it just standing there. Don’t have to even try. My very hair says you can’t control me, and I don’t subscribe to your petty social norms. I will have my natural hair and you can suck it. I had one lady tell me to my face I had the wrong curls. Like you either have to have tight little spirals or straight hair. Anything in between requires product and heat styling. Bitch straight curl shamed me to my face in a public space with people watching. Like yeah I’m cool with you not liking me ya jealous cow lol
I’m embracing it now. The minute I start to tell myself some bullshit story about what someone else thinks I stop. And think it myself. I’m allowed to not like stuff. It’s ok to feel it. To say it. To let it out. At the very least I will be honest with myself. I’m feeling some kinda way here. And my guard is up. I’m going to sit with that and observe.
Usually I’m spot on. My gut is correct. My intuition is on point. And I’m listening.