Greyed Out

When something is grayed out it’s

No longer available

.

Not an option you can select

It is

Invalid

.

An invalid choice

Removed from the list of

Well you get the idea

.

A woman

Can be grayed out too

She can

Fight it

.

All she wants

Somehow

.

Everyone knows

It’s a given

She is

Grayed out, disabled

You can click on her all you want

It’s not an option

.

But I’m still here!

I want to scream

Run around but I’m tired

And no one sees me anyways so

I guess this is it

.

The end of receiving the power of the gaze

The beginning of

Hopefully something

Anonymity?

Being invisible could be cool

.

I remember my grandma had a wig

It was a replica of her hair dye and curler set choices

She could just pop on another head if hers wasn’t ready

And head on out, lipstick in place

Ready to face

The grocery store

.

I could get a normal old lady hair wig

Wear it when I want to disappear

.

A Karen wig. Short, bouncy, practical

Then I could be someone else

Someone leaving the country to start a new life

Someone cool and easy to get along with

Someone fun

Free

Less broken than me

Less needy

More self assured and a better bisexual who is suddenly gay enough

Instead of this self confidence mask over fear face

No one bought anyways

Kept selling it though

Drove that ship of safety around the whole world

Twice

Still broken

.

Still

Frozen

.

Maybe a new life with friends will spring forth from this wreckage

Or maybe I’ll get used to being alone

My best friend is a dog