Early Café Thoughts

Smiling happy faces hang on my mental gallows. Their requiem is gaiety, they laugh for fear of sorrows. I cry and through my tears that fall I laugh at their tomorrows.

Alcohol numbs the psyche, aberrant behavior surfaces. Tempers and decibels rise to a predictable fever. Abrasive, incohesive and obnoxious. Stating the obvious in uncertain terms. And awaiting applause.

Suave sex oozes, willing to follow you anywhere. To ride as far as you allow. But only in anonymity, only alone.

Recognition slows me.

In every increasingly glib circle my mental ravings run lies my demise. The delicious crisp logic brings tears to my eye. In the middle. Evenly weighing out the chances of coming out on top. And always choosing the losing side, the pain I revel in.

Hot gritty pale skin screams of long abuse. Stench of body refuse hangs on rags of years long past. So tired. Exhaustion racks this body. Too long searching for another’s love to fill this empty soul.

Too long. Inconsolable fears, paranoia over the shoulder head jerks. Only swiftly turning to see myself behind me. Miserably pointing out how I love to suffer.

I choose the sorrow of self inflicted head wounds. And in a crowd tear out my heart and hold it dripping high above.